The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
