So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
