Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
