nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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