Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
