Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize