you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize