My boss' voice literally gives me gas
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
