dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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