you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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