am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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