woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The Olympian is in my bed
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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