My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
