I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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