This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
