I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
