they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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