I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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