first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
