you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
