Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
