Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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