Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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