Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
