Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
