so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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