Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
