If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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