Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
