I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
