I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
