so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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