I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The Olympian is in my bed
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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