I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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