I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
