My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Reggie can tackle my bush.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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