This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
