im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My vagina is officially offended.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
