I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He shit in the fireplace
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
