y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
