So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize