please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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