what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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