It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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