I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
