my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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