if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
