I hate your face
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize