if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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