don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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