So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
