I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize