I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
