you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Randomize
