i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
