She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
