Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
