I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
