Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
