Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
