I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
