reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
