ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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