discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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