you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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