I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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