i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
