He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
